Reading to Absorb Material Necessary, but not Easy

[Octagon]

Many have informed me of the importance of reading to absorb material, for writing, and I do not doubt what they said; however, understanding being difficult enough, I find it hard to retain much of what I read, whether it is a fiction book, a Bible commentary, etc. I suppose I could simply make something up, but fiction writing has not interested me much for a long time. Though I wrote a couple short stories, very brief ones, over the past year or two, I wrote them only when I experienced a short, transient pleasure in writing fiction. Now, though writing fiction may in fact bring me pleasure, thinking about writing fiction brings me none, though my daydreaming in this regard is of very poor quality. So, I was thinking of doing research on Google Scholar, and using that to write books, non-fiction ones. But my problem is, not so much with understanding, although with understanding often, but with retaining what I read. When I read my commentary on Hebrews, I experience partial understanding, because the commentator remarks on Old Testament Psalms quoted in Hebrews, and does not quote the whole Pslam, and also because my attention is not on every word of the book perpetually. But I do not retain much of anything that I read in that book.

Some have told me to annotate, but I don't feel motivated to do so. Perhaps I should read each paragraph a multitude of times, or enough times for me to have confidence that I have absorbed the material. Now, I don't plan to write anything on Hebrews, although it is not beyond me to attempt some articles dealing with certain aspects of the book. But I doubt that, when I find something to read about a topic I want to write on, I will be able to learn in full the facts.

Now, although I am speaking as though I want to write non-fiction, I don't really feel like doing this either, as I also no longer enjoy a number of things I used to, or at least do not feel motivated enough to build momentum in the activity.

So I guess this post is about two topics: motivation and retention of material to be used in writing.

[RAVENEYE]

Hmm...this may sound presumptive, but if you're not feeling motivated to write, why are you doing pushing to do it? Or at least, thinking about doing it?

Also, the inability to retain what you read sounds like a focus issue. The two taken together -- lack of motivation and retention -- sounds like a combination of ADHD and depression. Have those things been ruled out? Because there's little point in proposing solutions to retention and motivation if there are larger issues at play. In the least, what you've described sounds like burnout. Pushing to write during burnout will only deepen the burnout and perhaps damage the creative parts of the brain. The solution to that is to be very gentle with your brain and NOT push yourself to write, or to worry about not writing. Been there, done that. The recovery is long.

So am I off the mark here?

[Octagon]

I think I probably have ADHD, because I can't concentrate on anything for a long time, and quickly lose interest in almost anything I engage in. I've also been feeling depressed, not so much these past few days, but over the past several weeks, and other times as well.

I used to be on Prozac. When I was on Prozac, I worked for eight hours a day except one for lunch, as a computer programmer. Now I can't even motivate myself to read documentation.

[RAVENEYE]

Jan 1, 2023 6:17:44 GMT -6 Octagon said:

I think I probably have ADHD, because I can't concentrate on anything for a long time, and quickly lose interest in almost anything I engage in. I've also been feeling depressed, not so much these past few days, but over the past several weeks, and other times as well.

I used to be on Prozac. When I was on Prozac, I worked for eight hours a day except one for lunch, as a computer programmer. Now I can't even motivate myself to read documentation.

Hmm, that makes sense. I don't think I'll ever trust myself to go without medication again. My creativity has returned in leaps and bounds because it's given my brain a chance to recover. Maybe it's time to look into it again? For the sake of art, of course.