My first!

[pelwrath]

MKW
2.0 out of 5 starsVerified Purchase
oh boy
Reviewed in the United States on November 26, 2023
I’ve never given up on a book this quickly but this is so poorly written it hurt to read. In one chapter we have a character looking to the sky to tell us it will rain in an hour then moments later announce the rain is falling. This same character who can topple a tree on her own apparently is moved by the wind. She announces things no one would say to themselves in a self serving way of letting the reader know what she did. (Glad I used my son’s listening equipment to tap your phones) The narrative moves between 1st person inner dialogue and 3rd person limited with no marking to indicate the change. It’s off putting.

I skimmed the remaining pages and things didn’t get better. The author relies heavily on backstory and daydreaming, as well as adjectives rather than describing the scene to bring it to life.

[Alatariel]

Ahhh, bad reviews hurt but they are nothing personal! Which is easier to say than accept, I know. Reviews are for readers, not authors...if that's at all helpful. But congrats! You're officially part of a wonderful club. Even the greats have some really ridiculous bad reviews.

[pelwrath]

They come with the job. They pointed out what they didn’t like, basically my writing, and why they couldn’t get into the story.
One person’s opinion. Hurts but I knew at some point I’d get one, so best get it out of the way.
Jay will be disappointed that I lost my title as Master of Periods.

Thanks Ala, much appreciated.
Jeff

[ScintillaMyntan]

Those criticisms of your past writing hurt, but I hope you will not see them as insults or discouragement, but rather as feedback on one thing you wrote in the past. It doesn't have to reflect your current or future writing. Writing is just another area in which we find ourselves regretting past deeds and changing and growing. I hope you'll learn something from both the complaints and the compliments you've gotten.

I think it's a major accomplishment that you wrote and published a novel at all, something that's still quite far down the way for me. It shows that you have skills in plotting out and completing a novel-length work and maintaining your discipline and probably many other things. There are other skills to gain, but you've already cultivated a bunch of them.

[pelwrath]

Scintilla,
Thank you. Yes, one persons opinion on how I wrote a little over 3 years ago. Have I improved since…of course I have but I’m sure I do some of what was mentioned. EX: POV shifts. I still don’t understand POV. Apparently it’s not referring to the characters that are actively speaking. It might but it refers to how I wrote the book. I still can’t provide a definition of what was mentioned.
I think 1st person is the “I said, I did, etc.”
Limited 3rd person is that the narrator(?) doesn’t know everything.
So, I assume that similar stuff riddles my 2nd book.
Either way I view the person as a word or writing purist. One who feels the rules of writing are in stone and should always be followed. The story comes second. The person isn’t wrong.
Half the people like the Twilight books half don’t.

[ScintillaMyntan]

You're still learning and improving, and I really hope you do. I've read some good stories by you. Often it's along with wishing you would learn certain technical things and get more comfortable with narration in addition to dialogue, because I think you could write some nice stuff if it wasn't for that.

Uh, so, first, second, and third person are just linguistics terms. First person is 'I,' second is 'you,' third is 'he/she/it/they.' If you write the sentence, "I go," that's first. If you write, "He goes," that's third. That's all that means.

When people say a story is in first person, they mean the protagonist is called 'I,' so the story is written as though that character wrote it. If the story is written in third, the protagonist is called by their name or he/she/they. Since a third-person story doesn't pretend to be written by the character, there's some flexibility. You could still limit yourself to including only things the protagonist would know, which is called 'limited,' or you could include things that they don't know, which is called 'omniscient.'

But all that reviewer is complaining about with regard to point of view is the way you showed character thoughts. Your story was in third person, but you sometimes wrote the character thoughts as though the character was saying them. So let's say, if you write:

He ate the food. I like it.

The reviewer was saying you shouldn't just switch from the third-person narration, "he ate the food," to the first-person thought, "I like it." The reviewer wants you to do one of these instead:

He ate the food. I like it.

Put the first-person thought in italics, to mark that it's a thought rather than part of the narration. Shouldn't overdo this one.

He ate the food. He liked it.

Narrate the thought in third-person

He ate the food. It was tasty.

Instead of presenting it as a thought, just incorporate it as part of the description. Describing the food as tasty shows that the protagonist liked it without you having to say so directly.

[pelwrath]

If the narrator knows what the characters are thinking, it’s not limited, that’s omniscient? I’m not comfortable with narration, hence my use of dialogue. If the character ate the food why wouldn’t the character say if they liked it.
That’s what his comments opened up in my mind. What either I never learned about how to write or never cared about learning about writing. To my knowledge only one person here has read my first and second books. The POV issue has been mentioned by 1 or 2 other reviewers but not by the rest. I still have a 4.2 star rating.
I view myself ad a storyteller who writes, not a writer who tells stories. The story, the characters, plots and arcs are all more important to me than the rest. I tell my stories for those who like my style/voice. Yes, I want to improve but not lose what I have. That’s why the review hurt, I disappointed a reader who liked what the heard about my book, I’d like to apologize to them.

[saintofm]

*Sniff,* THey grow up so fast.

In all seriousness, this is a mile stone. So of their critique have any truth to it or do they need to get their eyes and privilege checked?

[pelwrath]

Saintofm,
About the rain and slipping. Technically yes, it’s worded as they say, yet not taken contextually. The ground is soaked by a heavy rain. The character is in motorcycle boots and does slip on the soggy ground.
The POV shits are there and at that time I though POV only applied to the character that was speaking.

IMHO, to me the person is a word/writing purist. The look for the technical side of writing, which isn’t wrong, but use such to cloud their finding the story. We had one here a while back who in an effort to complement me, dubbed me: Master of the Period.
(Yes that will bother me for the rest of my life.)

I’ve two books self published. Look at all the competition comments my stories receive. Poor, scores for the technical writing and great scores for the artistic, the story and characters. That’s my style, my voice. Millions hate Stephanie Meyers writing and millions love it.

Every review is valuable yet they’re primarily meant for readers. That person’s reviews is no more or less important that all the others my book has received, 3’s through 5’s. With 15 ratings it has a 4.2 on Amazon. There are 7 reviews as well. I’m sorry my writing disappointed them. Yes, I am looking at what they didn’t like. There are work arounds for POV shifts. I need to recognize when that happens and use such.
As authors, we write for those who enjoy our words, wether that’s for a contest here or a book published out there.

[saintofm]

Dec 2, 2023 9:37:43 GMT -6 pelwrath said:

Saintofm,
About the rain and slipping. Technically yes, it’s worded as they say, yet not taken contextually. The ground is soaked by a heavy rain. The character is in motorcycle boots and does slip on the soggy ground.
The POV shits are there and at that time I though POV only applied to the character that was speaking.

IMHO, to me the person is a word/writing purist. The look for the technical side of writing, which isn’t wrong, but use such to cloud their finding the story. We had one here a while back who in an effort to complement me, dubbed me: Master of the Period.
(Yes that will bother me for the rest of my life.)

I’ve two books self published. Look at all the competition comments my stories receive. Poor, scores for the technical writing and great scores for the artistic, the story and characters. That’s my style, my voice. Millions hate Stephanie Meyers writing and millions love it.

Every review is valuable yet they’re primarily meant for readers. That person’s reviews is no more or less important that all the others my book has received, 3’s through 5’s. With 15 ratings it has a 4.2 on Amazon. There are 7 reviews as well. I’m sorry my writing disappointed them. Yes, I am looking at what they didn’t like. There are work arounds for POV shifts. I need to recognize when that happens and use such.
As authors, we write for those who enjoy our words, wether that’s for a contest here or a book published out there.

First bad review, and it was by a Gate Keeper! So a twofer. 

[pelwrath]

Uh, what’s a Gate Keeper?

Looked it up and this is what I found.

Traditionally, we writers seeking publication have to enter a system and gain entrance from someone in order to be published. A gatekeeper might be the acquisitions editor you meet at a conference, who listens to your pitch and asks to see your full proposal.

So, I have an agent that absolutely hates my writing? That sucks.

Though, if I may ask, how do you know they’re a Gate Keeper?

[saintofm]

The term I have heard it used in was from someone that tries to keep others out of the fandom or hobby ("girls can't play video games" for instance). Its a subsection of That Guy that is a pain in the neck to deal with as this is the "Well Actualies" that think their portion of the fandom or art style or sport or school of though or whatever is being tainted if they let this or that into its ranks instead of expanding it.

[pelwrath]

That’s a relief, as I though you knew the person.