Deep POV--Lesson 1.1 What is Deep POV?

[ScienceGirl]

Every week as I consider my best writing resources, I'm continually drawn to my eBook library. This week, I asked myself which book improved my writing style the most?

Hands down, it was a book called Rivet Your Readers with Deep POV by Jill Elizabeth Nelson. She asks in her tagline, "Want your readers to crawl inside your book and live there?" I remember answering this question with a resounding YES!!! as I downloaded the book to my Kindle.

Later, I purchased a paper copy so I could study it deeper and write in the margins. I wanted to do as she said, and create a sense of intimacy and immediacy with my readers. Deep POV turned out to be the perfect method to do that. I'd like to share the ideas with you over a few posts. 

A few things to consider as you're first trying it out.
1. A lot of people don't understand deep POV. When I participated in critique forums (not this one), people would tell me I needed to use italics or that it wasn't appropriate grammar. However, incomplete sentences are ACCEPTABLE in our thoughts! It can be a really effective way to add tension and suspense.

2. You cannot head-hop with this method in a scene. It's a DISASTER if you don't stay in the mind of one character. So, you need some kind of visual break (like *** or an image) to signal to readers that someone else is doing the thinking. 

3. Overwrite the thoughts and edit them back. You'll be glad you did because you will truly KNOW your characters. 

So, without further ado, let's dive into chapter 1! I have no idea how many lessons this will be LOL so we'll call it:

Lesson 1.1

Nelson first goes into an explanation of the basics of point of view. She says:

The term point of view is defined as a position from which something is considered or evaluated, a standpoint, or a place of perception. 

So remember that this should be established through a single character's psyche. It IS acceptable to write a book with multiple POV characters. It is NOT acceptable to head-hop within scenes. She defines this point-of-view character as the POVC.

She further states:

In order to remain firmly inside the POVC's head, nothing in a scene can be presented for reader consideration that is outside of the character's awareness.

For example:

Tires screeched, car doors scraped, and horns blared as a Mustang and an SUV collided behind Amelia. Distracted by the sound, she subconsciously let go of the stack of books she was holding, and they fell to the ground. She winced, and the corner of a heavy book struck her big toe.

Consider:
1) Can Amelia know what happens behind her as fact? Can she see the two cars? Does she know their doors scraped? Would that be a side-by-side collision? What assumptions does she make here and what does she physically observe?

2) In her subconscious, would Amelia know she was letting go of the stack of books? This makes it seem like she's dropping them on purpose.

3) When does she realize she's dropped the books? If you're in her POV and she's subconsciously dropping them, she wouldn't realize they've dropped until they've fell. She would feel the book hit her toe before that knowledge occurs to her.

So, consider a rewrite where we a) plant thoughts into Amelia's head to lead us to her assumptions and b) we only write from an angle of what she directly hears, smells, tastes, touches, and feels.

Tires screeched, metal scraped, and horns blared. Another car crash? They had to fix this road! Amelia winced as a sharp and heavy object struck her big toe. The rest of the textbooks tumbled out of her arms to the ground. 

Now, let's look at the pieces we've assembled here: 
Tires screeched, metal scraped and horns blared.   This is what Amelia definitely hears. Does she know by the screeching that it's tires? I think so because that's a distinct, familiar sound. She wouldn't know which parts of the car scraped, but it would definitely sound like metal. 

Another car crash? They had to fix this road!    Here are your deep POV thoughts. No italics. Incomplete sentence, fine. Readers will know (as long as you use the technique consistently) that these are Amelia's thoughts.

Amelia winced as a sharp and heavy object struck her big toe.   Notice the use of as here rather than and. These two actions would happen simultaneously. Does it make sense for her to wince before the book hits? Of course not, unless she's psychic.

The rest of the textbooks tumbled out of her arms to the ground.  This, she could see. 

Challenge:

Try it out! Ye brave souls write a brief (2-3 sentences) and revise in deep POV. Respond to this thread with them and I'll have a look and respond to you in a PM.  


Next time, we'll explore Deep POV from the first-person angle. 

[pelwrath]

Agate’ watched the brick and slate Cape Cod from some bushes on the side of a neighbor’s house. The gabled eaves, styled shutters, gray brick walls, and second story back deck.

Oh, what a facade you created, you evil son of a bitch.

[RAVENEYE]

Okay, I needed to read tip #3. While I KNOW it's acceptable to overwrite in an early draft, it's also tempting to write as tight as possible and delve as deeply as I could. Was struggling with this today, in fact. How much do I linger here in this girl's thoughts? Have I beaten this dead horse into the ground? Do I NEED to explore this thought pattern EVERY TIME a topic of conversation leads the POV character there, b/c here we go again?

So #3 does help me just relax and tell the story, while keeping in mind I'll likely cut a lot of this character's inner torment later on. It's OKAY, Raveneye, just write it. And remember to breathe.

[ScienceGirl]

I think we all feel like we're saving time when we write as tight as we can, but in the long run, you end up spending more time on revision. I also feel like that's why so many of us get writer's block regularly. It's a lot of pressure to be perfect all the time!

[pelwrath]

Version 2


Agate'used the neighbor's hibiscus bushes for concealment. With one knee on the ground, she carefully moved a branch of the odorless flowers. The brick and slate Cape Cod standing there, vexing her. It's like the monster's lair knows I'm here. Those gabled eaves and uniquely styled shutters. The one lighted widow is looking for me or is it winking? Good, that second story back deck will be my entry point. What a facade you masquerade behind, you evil son of a bitch!

[ScienceGirl]

Thank you for being brave and letting me teach with your excerpt! Version two is definitely better because the house now feels alive. It adds an element of mystery to it, because we aren't sure if the house itself is some kind of mystic threat or if it's just her own anxiety and tension driving those thoughts. And that's a good thing.

What you have is definitely Agate's POV Much better, there. So here's a few tips to deepen the POV even further.

Agate'used the neighbor's hibiscus bushes for concealment. With one knee on the ground, she carefully moved a branch of the odorless flowers. The brick and slate Cape Cod standing stood there, vexing her. It's like the monster's lair knows I'm here. Those gabled eaves and uniquely styled shutters. The one lighted widow is looking for me or is it winking? Good, that second story back deck will be my entry point. What a facade you masquerade behind, you evil son of a bitch!

Agate' concealed herself behind the neighbor's hibiscus bushes. With one knee on the ground, she moved a branch of the odorless flowers. The brick and slate Cape Cod stood there, vexing her. Did the monster's lair detect her presence? Those gabled eaves and uniquely styled shutters... Was the one-lighted widow searching for her, or was it winking? Good, that second story back deck would be her entry point. What a facade you masquerade behind, you evil son of a bitch!

First, remember the stronger verb thing. Concealed > used. Detect her presence > knows. You deepen her POV by having us take this action with her. If we read that she used something to conceal herself, it's just an action you've told us she's done. If you write that she concealed herself, when we lose ourself into the text of the story, we conceal our own selves with her. 

I love adding in the knee on the ground. We now understand how she is placed behind these bushes. Maybe you can add a descriptive word there to make us feel what she's feeling. How is she dressed? Does moist soil stick to her skin, or does dirt cling to her pants? 

And secondly, notice how she has the same thoughts in deep POV but they're rephrased. When you are in third-person and you go into deep thought, you can still use she, her, etc. But you phrase it like you would dialogue.  1st and 3rd person distant--It's like the monster's lair knows I'm here.  3rd person deeper (no italics)--Did the monster's lair detect her presence? 1st person deeper--Did the monster's lair detect my presence?

Both ways would be a correct form of writing. 

[pelwrath]

If I can help others improve as a writer, then use any of my stories for that. No, I don't see the stronger verb. I accept that it is but to me I don't see that. I do see how the rewording you did is better. Maybe not so much a stronger verb but a rewording of the sentence. The one lighted window searching vs. did the monster's lair know. Replace an assumption for an action.

Isn't 3rd person like: they use their name instead of I or me? I'll also plead ignorance on what 2nd person is. I think I've got the omniscient vs. limited understanding.

I felt when writing it, that it was better. The movie in my mind played without interruption. My guess is part of my brain recognizes it but that hasn't made its way to the entire brain. Old habits of the economy of words and such. I do put the competition aspect first, otherwise, why call it a contest.