Deep POV--Lesson 1.3 Deep POV in first and second person

[ScienceGirl]

In Chapter One of Rivet Your Readers with Deep POV, Nelson discussed the technique under a range of different POV angles. We'll cover them all in different posts.

First Person:

For this POV, Nelson points out that many would question whether or not first person is by definition a deeper POV. She talks about the immediacy of essentially becoming the character, and says, 

A story told in first person requires that nothing can be seen, heard, or experienced except through the character relating the story. 

Easy enough. However, a lot of writers have a tendency to info dump and write more from a diary angle than story itself. Nelson explains that it's very possible to slip into shallow writing in first person. For example, in my current WIP, I'm throwing some of my characters into the middle of a drenching rain while trying to catch some wayward chickens. The following dreadful line found its way onto my page:

Before long, I'm riding shotgun with all twelve chickens.

This is a classic example of telling. Very shallow. Curious, perhaps, but not ALIVE the way I want my stories to be. The problem in first person comes when the writer switches over to being more conversational than actually planting readers into the story. It's a shift into the character becoming a narrator instead of a character.

So I need to take this line back to my senses. What would it actually be like to ride in a Mustang full of twelve wet chickens? Think back to the questions. What would I smell? What would I feel? What would I hear? Are there any videos of chickens in a car that I can draw inspiration from? Check THIS one out. Hysterical and kind of sad at the same time. They'd probably be moving around, some would poop, etc. Are their feet scratchy? I have no idea LOL. I don't typically touch their feet. There'd be mud everywhere. The character is going to smell geosmin from the rain, so kind of musty. There would probably be some erratic clucking. 

To convey this telling line by becoming the character, I'm going to have to do some research. Maybe even visit a friend who owns chickens and interact with them. How can I understand what it feels like to be pecked if I've never experienced it? What do wet chicken feathers feel like? What do they smell like? How loud is a chicken's cluck? How do chickens interact with each other in enclosed spaces?

Also, I've seen quite a few Mustangs, but I've never ridden in one. It would help to understand the layout of the car. What year, make, model it is. What kind of seats--leather or upholstery. Chickens have toenails and rely on scratching for a lot of things. It would be terrible to have them scratch up leather seats. Then I might consider how big one chicken is. How many chickens could fit? Some would be in the front seat, some in the back. Maybe one in the driver's lap. Some in the floorboard. All wet. 

Temperature might matter. If it's cold outside, the chickens could be in danger of their health. So the driver might crank up the heat. So many details to consider.

The best advice I've ever received about writing in first person is SLOW DOWN! If you dig deep enough, each line your character delivers could be its own mini scene in the story. 


Second Person:

Just a couple brief notes from Nelson about this very challenging and awkward POV. She advises against using it, because readers generally don't want a finger pointed at them, and in 2nd Person POV, the character is "you." It's incredibly hard to have any level of intimacy in 2nd person POV. It's most effective use is in some kind of instructional manual or recipe, and even then, editors traditionally cut it. 

Deep POV does not have a place in second person POV. How would you tell someone else what they were thinking? (ha--see what I did there? Just threw in an inadvertent example of it!)

Challenge: Take one active line written in first person and use details to expand it into a showing paragraph.